Valentine's Day
by virusq
Summary: It's Valentine's Day aboard the SR2 Normandy. Saving the galaxy from Reapers is easy. Buying gifts may just well be hell. Joker/FemShep, implied Miranda/Jacob.


Date: 02/14/2010  
Title: Valentine's Day  
Author: Melissa Russell, VirusQ at hotmail dot com  
Characters: Jane Shepard, Kelly Chambers, Jacob Taylor, Miranda Lawson, Jeff "Joker" Moreau  
Notes: It's Valentine's Day and my boyfriend is off at work. Did you get the update from the Cerberus Network? I did.

Thanks to theRAZZ for being patient with me. :D

…

"Good morning, Commander!" Kelly Chambers sang on queue with the opening elevator doors. Shepard set one unfortunately decaffeinated foot in front of another and approached her cautiously.  
"Morning, Kelly," Shepard commented partially through a yawn. She had to wonder how Kelly did it, staying so perky and awake when she never appeared to sleep. Stimulants, maybe? Demonic pacts?

The younger officer beamed at her, red hair sliding partially out of place as she offered Shepard a steaming cup of coffee and a small pink envelope. "Happy Valentine's Day, Commander!"

Shepard inhaled her morning brew and set it down at her desk before prying open the envelope, absentmindedly glancing up the bridge. "Valentine's Day, Kelly?"

Kelly blinked, confused as to how answer. Surely this was not a new concept to Commander Shepard, modern bastion of humanity. Was it? "Valentine's Day is an ancient human tradition, a holiday celebrated with adoration and gifts to those you are most intimate with: dear friends, family, lovers..." She gestured to the computer to her right. "There is a message in your private terminal."

Shepard opened the card, which depicted a disgustingly cute rendition of a varren pup dressed as a cupid, then slipped the monstrosity into her pocket. Kelly stared at her, expectantly. "Oh! Kelly, thank you. It's um ... adorable."

"Thank you, Shepard." Kelly blushed, but quickly checked her level of professionalism. "I realize how busy you must be, but Cerberus encourages preservation of human holidays. As your personal assistant, would you like me to purchase gifts for anyone in particular?"

Shepard's eyes widened as the mental image of Grunt stomping on a bouquet of roses tainted her synapses. "No," Shepard answered more sharply than she had intended and winced at her own reaction. "No. Thank you, Kelly. It would be more personal if I handled own shopping. Thank you."

If Kelly was insulted, she hid the emotion masterfully. She beamed at Shepard. "I'll chart a course for the Citadel, then. They have the best shops."

"Yes. Perfect." Shepard grabbed her mug and retreated toward the Armory. "Thank you, Kelly."

"My pleasure, Shepard."

...

"Jacob, you have to help me." Shepard groaned, slumping against the center isle and burying her head in her hands.

"I knew this was coming." Jacob shook his head, never removing his gaze from the project before him. "Love is a battlefield, Commander. Do the right thing and buy her a drink. Let her down easy."

Shepard's eyes shot up toward the back of Jacob's head, startled. "What?"

Slowly, Jacob pivoted around to face Shepard and raised an eyebrow. "This isn't about Ms Chambers?"

"No!" She hissed, firing a nervous glance toward the CIC doorway. "I. No. She? No. I'm..."

"I thought..."

Shepard immediately held up her hands, signaling an end to the conversation. Any rebuttal would just be circulated as evidence. Did the whole crew think she and Kelly were an item? Did Kelly?

Sighing, she crossed her arms, closed her eyes and collected her thoughts. "I'm expected to participate in this Cerberus publicity stunt. I need a suggestion for a gift. Something personal but not too forward."

Jacob eyed Shepard carefully, skeptical of the conversation. "A gift depends completely on the sentiment, the personalities involved. Given your way with the crew, I'd say you can't go wrong with any gift," he hesitated, imagining Shepard providing the entire crew with gift wrapped ammo clips, "So long as you think with your heart and not your rifle, that is."

She nodded, contemplating, and then caught a glimpse of amusement in Jacob's smile. He just couldn't resist himself and the way she left herself open. "I'm a chocolate and champagne man, myself."

"I should go." Shepard stared, uncrossing her arms and making her way toward the CIC. She could hear the gears still turning in his head and wondered, just briefly, what rumors would spawn from that particular conversation.

...

The door to Miranda's office slid closed silently. Miranda sat at her desk, completely invested in the monitor before her, her attention unflinching.

"Shepard?"

"Miranda, do you have a moment?"

"I'm very busy, Shepard."

"I just have a quick question."

Miranda sighed, peeling her hands away from her console only long enough to signal Shepard to sit down. She did not appreciate Shepard's constant interruptions. "How may I help you, Shepard?"

"If you were going to purchase a present for Valentine's Day, what would you get?"

"A card." Her distaste for the conversation was punctuated by the sound of precision keystrokes. "Shepard, I hardly have time for this."

"What would you get Jacob?" Shepard pried, unconvinced by Miranda's act.

Miranda's attention wavered for only a fraction of a second. She dissected the question, unsure if it had been posed as an honest curiosity or a calculated challenge. She pursed her lips and rolled her eyes at Shepard. "A _pretty_ card."

"Huh." Shepard stared distantly, for a moment, then stood up and excused herself. At the door, she hesitated. "I'm pretty sure he's getting you chocolate and champagne."

Miranda's typing stopped abruptly.

...

Shepard was convinced, as she peered through windows and flipped through virtual catalogs, that gift shopping was the most difficult task she had experienced since hunting Saren. Chocolate and champagne were too generic, cards were too impersonal, and whatever that shred of black vinyl was that the previous store manager had attempted to sell her was far too forward.

She felt an immense sense of guilt, wasting her time perusing trinkets while the fate of civilization hung precariously in the balance, but EDI had insisted there was nothing they could do until the Collectors made another move.

In the meantime, she justified her outing by restocking Gardner's pantry and assisting C-Sec in catching a pickpocket. She kept an eye out for activities regarding a local crime syndicate, as well, since it made her feel all that much better about her day.

She considered purchasing a small stuffed animal for Kelly, in reciprocation for her consideration, but her conversation with Jacob haunted the concept. Instead, she settled for a souvenir coffee mug filled with inexpensive candies: personal, but not too forward.

Shepard collapsed in an exhausted heap in the middle of the Zakera Ward, shopping bags pooled around her, prepared to surrender. She nursed her canteen of water and wiped the sweat off her brow with the back of her hand, contemplating the return expedition to the Normandy. She watched a gaggle of small children run in and out of the Citadel Souvenirs shop and point excitedly at different items.

And then it dawned on her: The perfect gift. And she knew exactly who to give it to.

...

Shepard rocked on the balls of her feet as the elevator made its way toward the CIC. She fidgeted with the ribbon on the red wrapped box she held, idly wondering why she felt like such a nervous child.

The elevator doors slid open and revealed the CIC sparsely occupied and, much to her relief, sans Kelly. She took a deep breath and steeled herself, preparing for the delivery in much the same way she prepared for a battle.

The comforting sound of snide banter greeted her as she entered the cockpit.

"Come on, it symbolizes my love for you. You can't just remove love. It leaves a sticky residue..." Joker grinned defiantly as he removed another tacky heart-shaped sticker from a large roll and slapped it over EDI's primary speaker.

"Is everything alright up here?" Shepard interrupted, slipping the gift behind her back.

"Mr Moreau is attempting to hide from me by covering my peripherals with holiday accessories," EDI explained.

"I'm not hiding, mom, just sharing the love."

Shepard sighed and scratched the back of her neck with her free hand. "EDI, can we have a moment?"

"As you wish, Shepard."

"Did you see that ridiculous memo Cerberus sent out," Joker ribbed, setting the roll of stickers down. "What do they think we are, like, twelve?"

"Yeah, I know." Shepard's heart fluttered somewhere around the vicinity of her knees; she certainly felt twelve again, awkward and embarrassed. She tossed the present in his lap. "Stupid holiday, right?"

Defensive instincts kicked in and he caught the package with only minor fumbling. His gaze focused on the ribbon for a moment while he mulled over his response. "Shepard, I..."

She found a very interesting spot on the ceiling and stared at it, attempting not to look him directly in the eyes, fearing that she'd lose her cool and break into tears at any moment.

He shook the box, always weary of a trap. "It's ... not going to explode, is it?"

"Just open the damned box, Jeff."

The silence that followed, fueled by confusion and suspicion, was torturous. It was soon broken, however, by the sound of him removing the ribbon and the wrapping paper -- adhesive sides first; always the perfectionist -- and she couldn't help but watch.

The red paper fell to the side and revealed a model replica of the _SSV Normandy_, the SR-1, the ship they lost. He stared at the packaging for an eternity, and then ran his hand across the ship's hand painted call sign.

"It's ... my _baby_." He looked up and noticed she had begun to cry, a wholly unnerving sight in itself. He couldn't quite discern whether they were tears of joy or disappointment, but he was pretty sure he should never speak of them if he valued his life.

The tension eased out of his shoulders when he realized she wasn't staring at him, but the model. The _Normandy_ meant as much to her as it did to him. "It's beautiful, Commander."

"I saw it on display and couldn't bring myself to leave it. It was the _Normandy_. She was a part of me. A part of you. I just..." Shepard wiped her eyes with the back of her hands and tried to compose herself. "God, I miss her so much, Jeff."

He climbed out of his seat with the intention comforting her, but idea seemed much more intimidating when he arrived at her side. Instead, he patted the bulkhead nervously. "Awh, the SR-2's not so bad. I mean, she's not as graceful as the old girl and the bathrooms are twice the walk, but she grows on you."

And that was what she loved about him: he always had something to say, something that broke the tension and made her smile. Shepard wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in for a kiss, knocking his hat off in the process. It was long overdue and she regretted not doing it sooner.

"Then again," he commented, coming up for air, "EDI could be indoctrinating us. Imagine being possessed by your mother."

Shepard managed a wry smile. "Come to think of it, I do have the sudden urge to clean my room and hide my porn."

For once in his life, Joker was at a loss for words.

-FIN-


End file.
